#2 - Valentina

I asked Valentina couple of times, if she really wants to do this. I told her that it´s not a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, I´m not just telling my friends, that I don’t support their decisions. But Valentina asked me for my opinion. Because that’s what she always does.

Valentina cannot make decisions on her own. “Should I get this job? Should I get this haircut? Should I get this brownie?” The questions just get more and more absurd. I love Valentina. I probably love her the most of all the people who are not related to me. But her being unable to make any small decision, is a problem.

Last week we were sitting in our favourite café in our hometown. There are only two cafes in our small town, so there´s no big selection. Good for her. We were sitting outside and Valentina managed to order a caffe Latte with soy milk. She looked at me with her perfect skin and amazing blue eyes and before asking me how I am or what I´ve been up to, she starts talking about herself. She told me about her work and her boyfriend. She has no real problems. Its silly teenager stuff, but if it feels big to her, it´s alright. You cannot compare problems.

When I have no other problems, I enjoy talking about her small unimportant problems. I talk to her about her teeth or her new 4h-a-week-job, as if it was the only thing important in our lives. But when I have a lot on my plate, I can´t take it. Like today. I look at her with a very annoyed face and she stopped talking. I told her that my brothers and me have to decide where to hold my Dad´s funeral and I could see in that moment how bad she felt for having talked about her hair for 20 minutes straight. She is a good person. She helps you whenever she can and she will find uplifting words. If she can decide what to say. But she is so trapped in her fear of making decisions that she has a hard time listening to other people´s problems. I´m sorry to put it that way, but – real problems. (Yes, I did it. I compared problems). I was trying to tell her over years now, that her small decisions don’t matter. That almost everything that she decides or ever decided can be reversed. That she will never again in her life think about what haircut she had when she was 25. And if the future Valentina will have regrets about a haircut she had 20 years ago – get a life! I was telling her one more time, that she should just do anything. Don’t end up like the people who do nothing, because they are scared to do the wrong thing, I told her. No decision she has to make is about life or death. I felt really proud for this monologue and it was nice to not worry about my own situation for once. But as always, she just nods absently.

On the day of my Dad´s funeral Valentina showed up late, as usual. I was sitting in the first row and didn’t bother about what was happening behind me. But when Valentina entered the room, I kind of sensed it. I know her for 15 years and she is my closest friend. We grew up together, managed puberty together and moved to the big city together. It´s only recently that we´re not inseparable anymore. We still joke that we are soulmates, what makes our boyfriends jealous, even if they would never admit. I was feeling very spiritual this day and I felt Valentina´s presence as she entered. She was so late, that she had to stand in the back. My eyes hurt from all the crying and I just sat there with no more emotions, holding my boyfriend´s hand, when I turned around and saw right in Valentina´s face. She did get the haircut. And it looked terrible. Her dark brown hair was red now and she obviously cut her own bangs. I guess she tried to cut layers too. It was raining on this awful day and her hair was half wet, making her look even crazier. She stood in the last row and looked at me apologetic. As if she wanted to say sorry for looking like a wet dog at my Dad´s funeral. There was no other way for me than to laugh. I laughed out loud and at this point everyone in my family thought I was going crazy. (Were they so wrong?) Obviously, it was the worst day of my life but even this, she could make a little bit better and I´ll never forget that. I will also never forget how my mom didn’t recognize her behind that awful hairstyle. With a stoic face my mom looks at this young woman, long crazy hair, beautiful blue eyes, thin and tall and says “And who are you again?”

When we met again in Vienna, she asked me if I thought that was embarrassing. I don’t get it. How can a woman, so smart and funny be so insecure about herself? She looks like a model too. In fact, she was a model for many years. I just laughed and we kept on walking in the sun – a rare thing to do this time of year in Vienna. She started talking about something super important, I don’t even remember what. After a three-minute monologue I heard her favourite questions. “What should I do? What would you do?” I´m done telling her what I would do. I´m done telling her what´s the obvious choice. I´ve done this for years now and I finally realized, that she has to learn this by herself. Again, I just looked in her kind and insecure face. It´s the first time I recognized that her hair looks normal again. In fact, it looks amazing. She must have gone to the hairdresser. I´m just so happy that she made such a big unreversible decision.